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Meet the Cast

Allison (That’s Me)

I’m Allison. I’m 36-years-old (but 21 in spirit). I’ve never really grown up, which can be good or bad depending on the situation. I’m a technical writer by day, but I pretty much hate it if we’re being honest here. But it pays me, so I suck it up and do what I have to do.

I love Photoshop, beer, Facebook, photography, anything remotely creative, my Canon Rebel Xti (even though it’s broken right now, thanks to the goddamn dog), most reality TV, music, and having parties where I invite all of our friends over and then do ridiculously stupid (and yet hilarious) things.

I hate children’s birthday parties that don’t involve alcohol to dull the pain, my sister-in-law, The Bachelor, people who don’t use their turn signals, the grocery store, the Black Eyed Peas, people with no sense of humor, and any movie and/or book involving a vampire.

I’ve been married to Steve for 10 years, and we have two daughters — Grace {8} & Hannah {6}, and one dog (Molly). You can read about them below.

Steve (My Better Half)

Steve and I met in March of 1998 and were married by September of 1999. (Hey, I was 25… I had to land a husband ASAP before my ovaries shriveled up and died!) Steve is a complicated man. Beyond anal retentive in many ways (i.e., complete opposite of me), and yet, one of the funniest damn people I’ve ever met in my life. He’s true (free) entertainment at its best. (He’s also totally hot, which helps immensely.)

We have a fantastic relationship. And god bless his soul for putting up with me (and allegedly loving me) all these years. Of course, I take abuse from him too.
If I could only get him to stop leaving damn damp paper towels all over the place, we’d have the perfect marriage…

Grace (The Complicated One)

Grace is our 8-year-old. She is the sweetest child I’ve ever met in my life. She has such a kind heart and gentle soul. She wouldn’t dream of uttering something not nice about another kid, befriends all of the kids that no one else wants to be friends with (which is sometimes bad), and is overflowing with compassion.

She’s also highly competitive, crazy athletic, a sore loser, and has a serious issue with her self-esteem. She’s a complete follower when it comes to friends (because she desperately wants to fit in and have everyone to be her friend), but hates to be told she’s wrong and will walk away all pissed off if you even suggest it. She’s one of those people who wants the entire world to like her, and will do whatever it takes — even if it means sacrificing her own self — to make sure that happens. It terrifies the shit out of me, because she’s only 8 now, but what’s going to happen when she’s a teenager and will still do anything she has to do to “fit in.” Ugh. Typing this is giving me heartburn. Let’s move on to Hannah…

Hannah (The High-Maintenance One)

Hannah is 6.5, going on 25. She, I can guarantee you, will be the death of me. (And I mean that literally.) She’s a tiny little thing who is stunningly beautiful. A classic beauty… big blue eyes, a gorgeous head of hair, and as skinny as a person can be without being a skeleton. But dear god, the child has a personality 8 billion times the size of her body. I should have named her Sybil. Because although she’s freakin’ hysterical and cracks everyone up, she can also do a complete 180 and throw herself on the ground in .2 seconds, screaming bloody murder because one of us didn’t do exactly what she wanted us to.

Her facial expressions and comments she makes keep the household entertained, but the other (evil) side of her has all of us here walking on eggshells around her, desperately trying to avoid the Wrath of Hannah. It’s sort of creepy. The truth is, she’s me in a tiny little body, and it scares the living shit out of me.

She loves princesses, pink stuff, makeup, clothing, and all sorts of girly things (OK… so that part of her isn’t me). But don’t let that fool you. She will kick you where it hurts if she doesn’t get her way. Is it wrong that I’m scared of a 3-foot-tall, 34 pound child? Because if it is, all I can say is that you wouldn’t understand unless you met her. She’s like those black midget wrestlers I once got stoned with back in the day. But again… that’s another post altogether…

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. May 2, 2010 11:43 PM

    I love your blog! I hope someday I can grow up and write just like you 😉

  2. April 27, 2010 11:14 PM

    Beth, glad you’re in love. LOL! I really do hope you come back! 🙂

    Jobonster, oh, that dreaded filter we seem to be lacking. LOL! I admit there are times when I can pull it out of nowhere and manage not to offend anyone or completely embarrass myself, but it’s not often. God bless our husbands. LOL!

    Clarissa, so glad you found me! I hope I can continue to entertain you. 😉

  3. April 28, 2010 12:35 AM

    i love your blog 🙂 i ran across it through the newly pressed thing and read one article, and already i’m hooked 🙂 will follow this for sure!

  4. April 27, 2010 11:14 PM

    I just subscribed! Seems you and I are alike in that neither of us have that “filter” that most people do. My husband says that mine is broken…. because if I’m thinking it, I’m saying it and I don’t think twice about it! 🙂

  5. Beth permalink
    April 27, 2010 8:49 PM

    I think I just fell in love! Your humor, your family, you. I love it! Will be reading more soon enough! 🙂

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