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A Day in the Life… (Try Not to Be Jealous…)

April 22, 2010

7:00 AM: Grace wakes me up. (Which is cool. I need to get them ready for school.)

7:05 AM: Get out of bed and feel like I’m the proud owner of an 80-year-old’s knees, thanks to that damn 5K I’m training for and the arthritis-like trouble I’ve had with my knees since I was about 6.

7:07 AM: Take first sip of coffee. Everyone else in the house knows not to speak to me before that first sip. Heads will roll.

7:08 AM: Do a squat/stretch in the kitchen to try to crack my knees (mentioned above), and Steve puts his hand up for a high-five and says all chipper like, “That’s my new fitness girl! Stretching first thing in the morning!! Give me a high five!!!!” Growl at him and say, “You’re so freakin’ gay!! I can’t be that gay with you at 7:00 in the morning. Leave me the hell alone.” (I wasn’t kidding either.)

7:10 – 7:40 AM: Pack Hannah’s lunch, check backpacks, battle over clothing choices, put foot down, tell kids to stop whining, yell at children telling me they aren’t going to brush their teeth, get kids in jackets, and walk outside to wait for bus.

7:45 AM: Bus pulls up and takes children away. I breathe sigh of relief (with a tinge of guilt mixed in).

7:46 – 8:30 AM: Check email, check Facebook, plow my fields, serve my dishes, dig for my treasures and kill people that aren’t in my Mafia.

8:35 – 9:30 AM: Check Facebook wall again and browse the Daily Mile website, comparing my runs, checking out friends’ training, etc.

9:35 – 10:45 AM: Eat breakfast, chug more coffee, download new songs and sync MP3 player for today’s run.

11:00 AM – 11:45 AM: Go for run/walk around the ‘hood.

Noon: Shower & get dressed.

12:30 – 2:00 PM: Clean up kitchen, empty, reload and run dishwasher, dust downstairs, pick up general chaos throughout the house, start a load of laundry, and throw the evening’s dinner in the crock pot.

2:15 PM: Run down street to gas station for some things I’m too lazy to go to grocery store for.

2:15 – 3:30 PM: Work on Grace’s Brownies cross-stitching project on the off-chance she decides she actually wants to go to her meeting tonight. Yes, she’s supposed to do it, but she did half of it and there’s no way she’ll finish the other half before the meeting.

3:35 PM: Get Grace off bus, heat up her dinner, force her to eat and try to help her with her ridiculously hard 3rd-grade math homework.

4:45 PM: Go pick up Hannah at her Daisies meeting at the school.

5:05 PM: Get back home, feed Hannah, eat my dinner, and yell at Hannah to go get ready for her first softball practice.

5:45 PM: Entire family piles in car to go watch Hannah at her first softball practice. (Grace skips Brownies.)

6:00 – 7:30 PM: Watch Hannah practice while talking to various people around me.

7:35 PM: Arrive home just in time to receive phone call from a friend telling me her new guinea pigs gave birth today and asking how the hell these things happen to her? I laugh.

8:00 – 9:00 PM: Watch American Idol with the kids and Steve while simultaneously helping Grace with her cross-stitching project.

9:05 – 9:30 PM: Battle with kids about their bedtime routine and finally manage to get them in bed and asleep.

9:35 – 10:15 PM: Watch the rest of American Idol with Steve.

10:16 PM: Hear Hannah screaming upstairs and bolt upstairs to find her standing outside her door, covered from head to toe in her own vomit.

10:17 PM: Miss who got sent on American Idol due to having to deal with Vomit Fest.

10:18 – 10:30 PM: Manage to get Hannah cleaned up, sheets and pillowcases in the laundry, and do the best I can to reduce vomit smell in bedroom.

10:35 PM – 1:30 AM: Continue to clean up vomit spewing from Hannah every 20 or so minutes, while simultaneously yelling at the dog to STOP trying to eat said vomit, scrub areas of couch cushion where Hannah missed the bucket, wash hands 8 billion times and spray half a can of Lysol around the house.

1:35 AM: Can’t fight sleep any longer and finally crash on the recliner.

1:40 AM – 6:59 AM: (See 10:35 – 1:30 AM except I’m managing to catch 10 minutes of sleep in between episodes.)

7:00 AM: Woken by Grace to tell me it’s time to get up and get her ready for school.

7:01 – 7:30 AM: Walk around in a zombie like state, cursing and yelling because I can’t find any of Grace’s tie-dyed shirts to wear for “Tie Die Day” at school.

7:31 AM: Finally find one that isn’t tie-dye per say, but has a tie-dye like look to it and will have to suffice.

7:32 AM: Clean up another batch of Hannah’s vomit while telling Grace to get her shoes on.

7:40 AM: Walk Grace outside to bus stop.

7:45 AM: Walk back in, Graceless.

8:00 AM: Clean up another batch of Hannah’s vomit and ask God for mercy.

I think we’re done now. 8:00 AM was her last episode and she’s now on the couch, slightly perkier and holding in a ton of liquid she’s had since then. I’ve run to the bank and store while my mom sat with Hannah, I’ve done 3 more loads of laundry, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, disinfected the kitchen, and swept up the floors.

Now I’m heading upstairs to put Hannah’s sheets back on her bed, throw Grace’s sheets in the laundry, clean up their bedroom, make sure no vomit odor is lingering, and then come back down to give Hannah a much-needed bath, and find some facts on Jupiter for Grace’s project she has to do immediately after school before heading to her 2-hour softball practice.

God willing, no one will be puking at bedtime tonight and I can put everyone to sleep in their clean beds, and then kick back to watch Survivor and the finale of Project Runway (assuming I can stay awake myself of course).

And so is the life of an unemployed wife and mother. Jealous?


UPDATE: Literally TWO seconds after hitting “Publish” for this post, I turned around to see Hannah once again spewing into her bucket. God. Help. Me…

7 Comments leave one →
  1. November 22, 2010 1:07 AM

    i get my art books from barnes and noble that come or amazon, they have some great discount coupons too ,,.

  2. April 27, 2010 5:20 PM

    Great blog! Just found it while looking at WordPress to see if it’s a good place to host my own blog. Not being a mother myself, I’m always impressed and amazed by how much work mothers do. Thanks for the peek into your world. 🙂

  3. Cheryl permalink
    April 26, 2010 1:42 PM

    Jealous, no.. lol. You’re life sounds like mine, except I don’t have the time to blog about it and haven’t had any pukey kids in a few months! haha.

  4. Tracey permalink
    April 22, 2010 7:42 PM

    At least no one or thing in your house gave birth yesterday 😉

  5. September permalink
    April 22, 2010 7:37 PM

    You do know that with the way Murphy likes to kick you in the ass that *someone* else will be puking by midnight tonight.

    And, yep, that sounds about as lazy and carefree as the average day in the life of a housewife. Sometimes (well, often) I fantasize about actually getting paid real money to sit in an office where no one yells, I can drink coffee in peace and constant pawing is called sexual harassment and therefore not allowed.

  6. April 22, 2010 4:28 PM

    Jealous…yep that’s it. JK. Seriously though…I hope Hannah is finally feeling better and that puke fest is over. Try and get some rest and hope tonight is uneventful.

  7. Chelle Y. permalink
    April 22, 2010 4:09 PM

    So jealous! 🙂

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