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Can I Pick? Because I REALLY Wanna Pick…

April 20, 2010
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So I’ve known for over a month now that on May 3rd, Hannah & Grace both have field trips at school. Grace is going to a minor league baseball game, and Hannah is going to a playground and then to a Junie B. Jones play at a somewhat local theatre. I had no expectations of chaperoning. Mostly because I’m not an active member of the PTO. Do I volunteer for stuff at the school? Absolutely. But I’ve yet to go to a single PTO meeting. We won’t get into why, but without getting into any details, let’s just say that I dealt with snotty cliques and private jokes back in high school and I refuse to do it now as an adult. But I digress… (That’s another post for another time…)

So today, Hannah gets home from school and just like every other afternoon, I check her folder to see what papers she’s brought home. In it, I find a permission slip for her upcoming field trip. Stapled to it, is a small slip of paper that says, “Are you interested in chaperoning? You will be responsible for your own child and 3 others” and then had checkboxes for yes or no. I started filling out the main permission slip and then asked Hannah if she wanted me to go along. She says (without missing a beat), “Well, I really don’t want you to go. Because it’s my field trip. Not yours.” Alrighty then. LOL!

Grace, knowing hers is the same day, says, “I want you to chaperone mine!” I explained that I wasn’t asked to chaperone hers, so I can’t really do anything about that. However, Hannah, upon hearing that she has something her sister wants, immediately says, “I changed my mind, Mom. I want you to come along!” Huh. Funny how that worked out. LOL!

I then asked Hannah if everyone got that extra paper stapled on their permission slips and she said that no, only some kids. So I took a bit of pride in knowing that her teacher had hand-picked me to ask to come along. She also taught Grace in 1st grade, but I really don’t know her that well other than a few friendly exchanges. I still think it’s because of the necklace I bought her for Christmas with her kids names on it from my friend’s website, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is that I was asked to come along and that doesn’t happen often (because I’m not usually the one chosen to supervise other people’s children… she obviously doesn’t know me very well… LOL!).

So I fill out the paper agreeing to go. But as the night progressed, I started thinking about the whole thing. I keep coming back to the “You’ll be responsible for your child and 3 others,” thing. OK. So first of all, me being “responsible” for 4 children is scary. I can barely handle my own two, and I’m not lying when I say that. I also have little to no patience for other people’s kids (or my own most nights if we’re being honest here). It’s funny how I find all other children disrespectful, or weird, or obnoxious, or annoying, or just outright brats. (That’s right… I said it. And don’t lie… you’ve thought it too.) OK… so maybe not ALL other children. But about 98.5% of them. Now I’m supposed to be responsible for 3 of them plus my own? Um, yeah. I’m not so sure how that’s going to work out.

So I’ve decided that as long as I can choose which other 3, this may not be a complete disaster. I know quite a few of the little girls and boys in class with Hannah, and many of them are quite delightful. I’d gladly take charge of them that day, have fun with them, and do my best not to let them wander off backstage at the theatre and not notice they’re gone until after we’re back at the school. But then there are “the others.” The ones I’ve witnessed in action or that Hannah has told me about. The ones whose parents wouldn’t agree to chaperone even if asked because even though it’s their own child, sending them to school is the only peace and relief they receive from them and there’s no way in hell they’ll subject themselves to  having to deal with them if not absolutely necessary. Those are the kids I don’t want to be assigned to…

The little bratty, bossy girl who thinks the world revolves around her (because her parents don’t tell her otherwise) and will try to run the show that day. She’s the one that if MY kids ever acted like, I’d kick their asses from here to Jupiter and knock them down a few pegs…

The boy who (and I quote), “Wipes his boogers on the bus seat.” Because I swear to god, if any of these kids wipe their sticky, green snot on me that day, I WILL go ape shit in front of a busload of 1st graders and it won’t be pretty.)…

Or the little girl who cries about everything. If she doesn’t get her way, she cries. If someone looks at her funny, she cries. If anyone tries to tell her what to do, she cries. Listen sister, buck up for the love of god! It’s called life. And apparently, your parents aren’t preparing you for it, because if you keep this shit up, you’ll eventually either be laughed at or fired or everyone in the free world will hate you and you’ll die alone with your only claim to fame being that you’re the “Crazy Cat Lady” in town.

So tomorrow, Hannah will take the papers back to school and I’ll be committed to this trip. But I’d really like to choose which children I have to keep track of. Because I swear to god, if I get one of the ones that I don’t want to deal with, I can’t promise that the child won’t come back home that day having been reamed out and cowering in the corner because someone FINALLY told them to knock it the hell off and act like a normal kid. Because see, if you parented your OWN child and stopped trying to be their best friend, you wouldn’t have to worry about other people parenting them and teaching them that some things just don’t fly outside of the home. So quit being bossy (because I’m the boss that day), quit crying about every damn thing that comes your way, and quit wiping your snot on things because that’s just freaking GROSS and there’s no excuse for that. Just sayin’….

PS: I’m pretty sure that if Hannah’s teacher receives a link to this blog, she’ll revoke her offer to me chaperoning the trip. So those of you out there with her email address, can I kindly request that you refrain from sending her the link until after the trip? Because Hannah will be really pissed if I suddenly can’t go. (But only because she won’t be able to rub it in Grace’s face.) And frankly, I don’t want to deal with that because Hannah scares me…

3 Comments leave one →
  1. September permalink
    April 20, 2010 4:09 PM

    At B’s school the only way you are ever really “invited” to do things with the school is through the PTO, and since I refuse to be involved with them (on top of being a clique of catty women, the PTO in our district functions as an arm to promote the NJEA…but as you said, that’s a whole ‘nother story) I’m pretty out of the loop. There’s the occasional email you get asking for volunteers and I always respond to those, but even then I think they “hand pick” which parents they want. I also have an issue because they never allow siblings and I don’t have any full-time regular help (unlike 99% of the SAHMs in my town), which makes it tricky.

  2. April 20, 2010 5:15 AM

    LOL Mary! The truth is, Hannah cries about everything too. But thankfully, ONLY at home, where I can step over her crumpled body on the floor, tell her knock it off and grow up, and then just ignore her. The TRUTH is, I sometimes feel bad for kids like that. But in THIS case, this girl is ridiculous about it. She disrupts classes and meetings, is constantly the cause of drama, and seriously needs to just cut back a bit. LOL!

  3. April 20, 2010 5:01 AM

    Okay I have to defend the crying kid…. I have one of those. Over everything. While he’s getting better with time, it’s still an almost daily occurance….Over being told no, over Clara being told yes, over doing a cartwheel, over someone not following the rules, ect ect ect……….

    And I swear to God I’ve tried everything I can think of…..And nothing makes a goddamn difference 😉

    So have fun on the field trip. Giggle. I hope you get the good kids 😉

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